I have heard way too many people, male and female, say “I only date RMs.” Whenever I hear of anyone saying this I always have to wonder why. I think it may be an idea that has been ingrained in our minds since we were young. Young Women always make the list, “Traits I Want in a Future Companion.” Almost every list has “RM.”

Now after years and years of creating lists about traits I want in a future companion, I have had a realization.

I won’t exclusively settle for an RM.  Here are four of my reasons why:

1: Converts. I have a friend named Kaitlyn. She’s amazing. We were in Young Women’s together for six years and she lives in the house right behind me. When I was on my mission, she started dating a boy from her hometown. He wasn’t a member. Right when they started dating, Kaitlyn told him she was not going to settle for anything less than a temple marriage. He met with the missionaries for about a year and then got baptized. This last year they were married together in the temple. He has such a strong testimony and I am so glad Kaitlyn married him. He may not be an RM but he is truly converted to the gospel of Christ. He is temple-worthy. That’s what really matters.

St Maarten

 

 

2: Reasons not to serve. There are many reasons why worthy members of the church do not serve missions. Some are in the military. Instead of serving the Lord by preaching the gospel, they are serving by protecting the rights to preach the gospel. Some cannot go for medical reasons. There are some people who simply cannot serve missions because it would not be healthy for them to do so. Some cannot go because they had a period of inactivity and missed the opportunity to serve. These members come back and use the Atonement to become worthy again. If God doesn’t hold their period of inactivity against them, why should we? A member may not have the title of “RM” but that doesn’t make them less worthy than anyone else.

unnamed-3

 

 

3: Not all RMs are equal. In LDS culture, sometimes this weird thing happens. RMs are put onto this pedestal and are seen as perfect. It’s like if someone dedicates 18–24 months of their lives to God, he/she deserves more respect. Guess what? Missionaries aren’t perfect. Missionaries make mistakes. Sometimes missionaries are disobedient. Missionaries need repentance just as much as everyone else. I have seen missionaries go out, serve a full mission, and not change at all. There is a difference between the missionary who consecrates himself/herself to the work and the missionary who just goes through the motions.

unnamed-36

 

 

4: A mission is just a part of a lifelong conversion. Going on a mission can teach someone great life skills like how to really study the scriptures and how to pray with real intent. Sometimes people go on missions and come back but they don’t keep up the mission habits. If missionaries do keep up these skills, they will continue to grow more like the Savior. In the end it doesn’t matter if a person served a mission or not. These habits can be formed by anyone who wants to get closer to the Savior.

10719507_10152537609710318_685021167_n

 

So, I won’t settle for an RM. I will settle for someone who loves the Lord, someone who honors his priesthood, and someone who I can be sealed to in the Temple. Will this guy be an RM? Likely, but not certainly.

 

I want to know what you think! Shoot me an email—[email protected]

About The Author

Lindsey served in the California Riverside Mission, Spanish-speaking. She now studies journalism at BYU. You can find her on Instagram, @lindseybwilliams, or on Twitter, @lindsey5brooke.

57 Responses

  1. Liz

    Thank you mission geek for publishing this..and thank you Lindsey for writing this…my beautiful smart spiritual 19 yr old daughter at BYU can’t go due to medical reasons and just had a boy she liked say he wouldn’t marry any girl that didn’t serve a mission..she felt terrible after that but I’m going to show her this article as I told her these same points but I think hearing it from another source will be more effective..Thank you so much!!

    Reply
    • Vic Beaumont

      Then he himself does not understand the principles of the gospel. It’s one thing to know them but another to live them. He should be looking in the mirror for perfection before looking for it in others. He should watch the movie “Shallow Hal”.

      Reply
    • Lindsey

      Liz,

      That makes me so sad! If she could not go for medical reasons and a guy doesn’t accept her for that than she deserves someone better. 🙂 Send her my love and tell her if she needs a friend she can reach out to me. I’m at BYU too.

      Lindsey

      Reply
    • Craig Cannon

      I have to say that it’s pretty irritating that young men would think like this. The men of the Church have been told that this is their responsibility. For him to demand that a portion of that responsibility be filled by a sister before they are “worthy” of marriage goes far beyond the mistakes outlined in this article.

      Reply
  2. Jordan

    Maybe just open your mind to the world where people who don’t necessarily “love the lord” exist. Although the church practically forces their youth to believe otherwise – non-Mormons do have much to offer.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Jordan,

      That is a valid point. I think one of the reasons why many LDS members look for someone who is of their same faith is because they have the ultimate goal of an eternal family which can only happen when families are sealed together in the temple. I hope you know though that I don’t think any less of you because you aren’t of my faith. I am sure you’re a great guy too. 🙂

      Lindsey

      Reply
  3. Brett

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I couldn’t agree more. I’m glad that my mom didnh settle for an RM; my dad was a recent convert but he has been temple worthy ever since they got married in the temple. I think there is a disconnect between the doctrine of the priesthood and repentance and what is taught to the youth. YW in particular are taught that they should marry an RM but the Brethren mention that there are valid cases when it is acceptable for YM to not serve missions; what happens to these men? They often don’t get married or it takes a long time, usually to no fault of their own. A friend of mine couldn’t serve a mission because he was inactive when he was in the military and couldn’t serve a mission because he got tattoos of affiliation. More than five years later he is still single and struggling to date even though he is temple worthy. It’s truly sad when things like that happen, so thank you for helping to remind LDS youth and YSA about this.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Brett,

      That makes me sad about your friend. I think it’s so important that we don’t negate the power of the Atonement in people’s lives. Something I hope to find in my future husband is a man who understands how to apply the Atonement in his life. Tell your friend to keep his chin up. He’ll find a girl!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  4. Nick

    Great points, except that serving in the military is not serving the Lord, per se. Even if your reasons for signing up are of the purest intent (and I believe most are), those leading the military are not waging a holy war or doing things for a righteous purpose in most cases. If you put military service on equal terms with missionary service, I imagine there are plenty of people from the middle east who would readily agree with you. No folks, going to war is not always serving God these days.

    Reply
    • Jim

      I had the opportunity to serve in the military and serve a full time mission. Both were wonderful experiences. I think each choice has the potential to faithfully serve. One can be an excellent missionary in the military and do as much or more to build the Kingdom of God as a faithful full time missionary can. I appreciate our faithful missionaries in the military or full time missionary service.

      Reply
      • Lindsey

        Thank you for your service, Jim, in both the military and in the mission.

        Lindsey

    • Jake

      Military service and missionary service are not mutually exclusive. I served a mission and am currently serving in Afghanistan. We serve God by doing what he has asked us to do and being instruments for good in his hands. I felt prompted to join the military and am grateful for the support that the bretheren give to military members. I have seen amazing things happen by worthy priesthood holders and faithful sisters here in Afghanistan and I am grateful for their service to God and our country.

      Reply
      • Lindsey

        Thank you for your service, Jake. You are right. They are not mutually exclusive. We’re supposed to be missionaries at all times and in all things and in all places, not just when we are wearing a missionary name-tag.

        Lindsey

    • Jocelynn graves

      That is not necessarily true most of the apostles where not able to serve missions because of the draft during World War ll. Heber J. Grant was the prophet at the time said that it was equal to an hounrable mission. Today while the wars we are involved in are definitely questionable as to why they are being fought, the fact that a lot of military men and women are LDS may be the only way the gospel can reach some parts in the Middle East or communist China or North Korea. As long as these men and women live temple standards and are trying to be an honest follower of Christ then they are preaching the gospel.

      Reply
      • Lindsey

        Jocelynn,

        You’re right. Even President Thomas S. Monson did not serve a mission. God works in mysterious ways and one day the gospel will reach all the world. Thanks for your comment!

        Lindsey

    • Lindsey

      Nick,

      I agree with your point. War isn’t necessarily something that is supported by God. However, the 12th Article of Faith says that we believe in obeying, honoring and sustaining the law. There are times where people are required to serve in the military by law. I have also received stories from people since publishing this article from several people who could not serve because of military enlistment. My favorite story I received was of a man who could not serve because of military enlistment but while he was serving in the military, he shared the gospel with two other men who were baptized into the church. It’s important to follow Christ and be an example of the believers no matter where we are.

      Lindsey

      Reply
  5. Ngahina elkington

    Serving your country might not be as nolbe in your eye as serving a mission until same one tires too take away your liberty and the rights to pursue happiness so you might want too come down from your high horse

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Ngahina,

      No matter where we are we should serve God. I don’t think God cares so much about how or where we serve Him but why we serve Him. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  6. Denise

    Well said. My youngest daughter’s experience mirrors that of the young lady in your first point. She is beautiful and faithful. However the RMs she knew were all looking for the ‘barbie doll’ girls and since she was sporty she didn’t quite fit the description. She met and dated a young man and was also upfront about wanting a temple marriage. He likewise took the missionary discussions and ultimately joined the church. They have now been married in the temple. Her diligence and faithfulness has blessed her life with greater faith and they have both been blessed with a wonderful life together.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Denise,

      I am so happy that your daughter understood the importance of a temple marriage. Please congratulate her for me. I imagine that one of the reasons why her husband was attracted to her was because she had the spirit with her. Thanks for your comment. 🙂

      Lindsey

      Reply
  7. Daniel

    I love your article Lindsey, it is well written and makes many great points. I also think that you’re spot on with what your saying about our religious culture labeling people in certain ways and that sticking with them and resonating in their lives. It’s not about the labels we can attain, it doesn’t matter if you went on a mission, but then don’t remain temple worthy afterwards and actively serve in the church with your fellow members; one’s dedication to God and diligence in continuing to grow in the Gospel and apply it in their lives is absolutely all that matters. If we can’t begin to see that as members and extend the perfect love of Christ and the right hand of fellowship to ALL members that enter our buildings on Sunday or that we interact with on a daily basis, then we are failing as members and we’re failing to do Heavenly Father’s work. ALL YM AND YW THAT LOVE GOD AND DILIGENTLY SERVE HIM AND ARE TEMPLE WORTHY ARE DATEABLE, AND SHOULD BE CONSIDERED WORTHY CANDIDATES FOR MARRIAGE!

    I’m a convert by the way, and let me tell you, had my wife not taken a chance on me when I was a non-member and dated me, I may not have joined the church when I did, because she fully exposed me to the Gospel and it blessed and changed my life. Neither of us would have the life that we have now had we not made the series of decisions we made over the past 6 years. That’s how long I’ve been a member now; since joining I have received the the Melchezidek priesthood, served in EQ Presidency, been a Sunday teacher, served in Sunday school Presidency, served in scouts, have conferred the priesthood on my stepsons, blessed our youngest son we had together, and have Home Taught faithfully. I SAY NONE OF THIS TO BOAST OF MY SELF, BUT RATHER IN THE SPIRIT OF AMMON, TO BOAST OF OUR AMAZING, LOVING, MERCIFUL HEAVENLY FATHER; AND BEAR MY TESTIMONY OF HIS ABILITY TO CHANGE THE HEARTS OF MEN, CHANGE LIVES, AND CHANGE THE ETERNAL TRAJECTORY OF WHOLE FAMILIES’ FIGURE GENERATIONS! I SAY THIS IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, AMEN!

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Daniel,

      I think it’s commendable that you not only joined the church but that you are continuing to grow your testimony through sharing it with those around you. I love your point that we should love everyone who enter our buildings on Sunday. That’s what Christ would do so we should do it too. Thank you for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  8. Renee

    An eternal companion with a strong testimony, who loves the Lord; that is what should be of utmost importance.

    Reply
  9. Candace

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. Groing up I was told all the “only marry and RM” “get married in the temple and all will be well” statements in YW’s. I thought getting married in the temple would ensure a perfect, trouble free marriage. Ha! I was duped! I understand now what they were trying to say. If I live worthily(and a lot of hard work), after being sealed, I have the opportunity to be with my family forever. Just like getting married to an RM is a good idea, it doesn’t guarantee anything. My friend married an RM and was abused physically. RM just means he served a mission. It doesn’t tell what’s in his heart.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Candace,

      Thank you for your comment. I think sometimes I have had the tendency to view certain life milestones as finish lines. Getting married isn’t a finish line because after you have to keep working on your marriage and trying to improve it. Serving a mission isn’t a finish line because God teaches you certain skills you should strive to continue to develop. We should always be trying to progress. Thanks for reading!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  10. LatterDay Marriage

    If a guy has served a mission and really threw himself into the work with all his heart, that should count as a big plus in his favor, there are blessings and experiences that come to such men that you don’t get any other way. RM status should not however be a hard and fast requirement for dating or marriage.

    I think if you pay attention to how somebody behaves the first couple months after their mission you can tell what kind of missionary they were. The good ones won’t slacken their pace, the others will be happy to be ‘free’ and feel entitled to slack off.

    If some guy didn’t serve a mission, that fact should not be totally ignored. Yes, there are great guys out there who either could not serve for reasons outside of their control, and guys who made choices they now regret and would never repeat. There are also those who are rather happy that they didn’t go and lack commitment to the gospel. RM or not, either way you can’t make assumptions.

    I don’t want those good men who didn’t serve a mission to be treated wrongly, but I don’t want that cultural shift to happen by downplaying the benefits of marrying an RM who served with honor. My wife said her dating (and her missionary experience) taught her that didn’t want somebody she would have to drag along spiritually, she wanted somebody she could count on to lead.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Thank you for your comment. I support what you said. I do think it is important to consider why a potential spouse did not serve a mission, but I don’t think it’s something that should be an automatic veto factor. Sometimes people have legitimate reasons for not serving. Thanks for reading! 🙂

      Lindsey

      Reply
  11. Adi

    I agree for the most part that it shouldn’t be a blanket statement. But there are plenty of non-RMs that I wouldn’t even think of dating. There was one boy who asked me out (he was 19, was only semi-active, wasn’t interested in a mission and made this clear) and I went out with him briefly until I realized he had zero desire to try towards a mission even though he was of age and physically able. Months later, he started dating a girl who wasn’t really that active either and less than a year later, they married in the temple. Not really sure how that worked. I’m still pretty sure I dodged a bullet.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Adi,

      You make a good point. Not every non-RM has a good reason for not serving. The Atonement is powerful though and can make up for any imperfection someone has. The main thing I want in a future spouse is a man who loves the Lord and is temple-worthy. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  12. Mamabear5

    Thanks for the article and for opening young minds to great possibilities. I met the best man I ever dated on a blind date nearly 19 years ago. He wasn’t lds. He was kind, respectful and good. 2 years later he was baptized. A year later we were married and sealed in the temple. We will have been married 16 years in a few weeks. We have 5 beautiful kids. He is the rock and pioneer convert to this eternal family. His testimony is strong in the gospel, he loves the Lord. We will serve a mission together one day. I’m SO glad I listened to my heart and didn’t get caught up with my “list”.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      What a beautiful story you two share! My favorite part of it is because you didn’t get caught up with your list you introduced him to gospel. Now you have five children that you are raising in the gospel. Between the seven of you, so many lives will be touched and influenced with the truth. Thank you for being willing to share your testimony with him and influencing other lives.

      Lindsey

      Reply
  13. Maurine Wheatley

    This is a good reminder; but, having RM on the list is not bad- that list certainly has more than just RM. There are no guarantees about anything. I think we need to be careful to not put-down being RM s in our efforts to build up the non-RMs. Following the Spirit is always the best guide and certainly one will know when the Mr. Right or Miss Right comes along (RM or not). I’m thankful my good husband is an RM and his experience has influenced, not only his, but my and our whole family’s life….and where possible health wise it is an expectation for all worthy males to go serve.—and how wonderful it is for females to have the choice which many are choosing to do….and I don’t think it’s to check off the box. I feel confident it is to serve the Lord and help build His kingdom…..

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Maurine,

      I see your point. A mission can influence one’s entire life. I think the main reason it does though is because a missionary learns how to let Christ influence their entire life. If I meet someone who I am considering to be my husband and he isn’t an RM, I will probably want to have a serious conversation with him about why he isn’t an RM. Whether my husband is an RM or not I want to take time to evaluate the depth of his testimony and of his conversion. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  14. Don

    Great article. The key point in only be willing to have a temple marriage should be that the person you chose to marry is as temple worthy and equally committed in their discipleship and love of the Lord as you are.

    Some RMs leave the faith and some are luke warm disciples that don’t leave. I’ve known some RMs that abuse their wife and kids. I’ve known many that didn’t serve missions that are very faithful disciples and love the Lord–and many of them wished they could have served missions but it wasn’t a choice available for them at the time.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Thank you, Don! There are good RMs. There are bad RMs. There are good non-RMs. There are bad non-RMs. Whatever judgment is made when selecting a future spouse it should be a righteous judgment. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  15. Tiffany

    I love this article. When I started dating my husband he wasn’the a member. My mother told me I shouldn’t date him because he couldn’t take me to the temple. After I did start to serious date him he asked my mother started to remind me constantly that if I married him we wouldn’t be able to be married in the temple. He and I had discussed religion many times. He knew my values more than any of the RMs i had dated. So when he asked me to marry him I said yes. My mother again reminded me that we couldn’t get married in the temple and I told her that I loved him and he made me happy. After we were married in started to go to church, when my job at the time would allow me Sundays off. He went with me and we are currently working on getting to the temple. So I completely agree that dating more than just RMs is a good thing. As long as you are dating someone who has the same values or has respect and love for the values you have then I say date that person. My husband tells me every day that marring me was the best thing that ever happened to him and that I make him a better man.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Tiffany,

      Thank you for sharing your story. I know that you have influenced your husband’s life through your faith and with your testimony. Thanks for the comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  16. Rick

    I normally don’t take the time to respond to these types of posts or columns, but I really wanted to this time. My response, first and foremost is to thank Lindsey for writing this article. As an individual who enlisted in the military and didn’t serve a mission (yet), I am thankful that you took the time to point out that those who serve our country are doing so, so that those who choose to serve a mission can do so safely. While the wars that are being waged aren’t ‘holy wars’, they are still being fought to preserve our freedom and religious beliefs. Many young men and women have given their lives to protect those freedoms which allows missionaries and countless others to travel to foreign lands to preach the gospel, not to mention protecting the right to practice and believe what they choose to believe. I believe that God has a very special place in his heart for those who serve God and Country. There are those of us who served in the military that believe what we did was every bit as important as serving a mission. It may be serving the Lord from different approaches, but imagine what life would be like if we hadn’t stood up and fought the Civil War, or World War I, or World War II and so on. Sometimes the problem is, that some RM’s put themselves on a pedestal, but I don’t want to head down that road. We are all here to do the best we can and to serve the Lord in his way, his will. Thank you again..

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Rick,

      Thank you for your service in the military. I can’t speak for citizens in every country but I am so grateful for the military for defending my rights to freedom and my rights to worship. I also love that you say you haven’t served a mission yet. If you have the opportunity to serve, please do! In either case, remember that we can be missionaries no matter where we are. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  17. Clifton Palmer McLendon

    “There are some people who simply cannot serve missions because it would not be healthy for them to do so.”

    The adjective “healthy” means “enjoying good health.” It applies only to the state of health of a living being.

    The adjective meaning “tending to promote good health” is “healthful.”

    Since this sentence means that some people’s health would be endangered by serving a mission, it should read “There are some people who simply cannot serve missions because it would not be HEALTHFUL for them to do so.”

    “A member may not have the title of “RM” but that doesn’t make them less worthy than anyone else.”

    “It’s like if someone dedicates 18–24 months of their lives to God, he/she deserves more respect. Guess what? Missionaries aren’t perfect. Missionaries make mistakes. Sometimes missionaries are disobedient. Missionaries need repentance just as much as everyone else. I have seen missionaries go out, serve a full mission, and not change at all. There is a difference between the missionary who consecrates himself/herself to the work and the missionary who just goes through the motions.”

    The rules of English grammar state that when a pronoun in a sentence (called “the referent”) refers back to a noun or pronoun earlier in the sentence (called “the antecedent”), both the referent and the antecedent must agree as to number — either both must be singular, or both must be plural.

    The rules further state that, when the antecedent is singular and of common gender (that is, when it can be either masculine or feminine), the referent takes the masculine gender.

    Using “their” as referent to a singular antecedent constitutes a grammatical error known as “pronoun-antecedent disagreement.”

    Using such combinations as “he/she,” “him/her,” or “himself/herself” as a referent is a barbarism dreamed up by those who have no respect for English grammar.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Clifton,

      Thanks for pointing these out! I definitely do not claim to be perfect at the English language and I am always learning. Thank you for teaching me some new rules.

      Lindsey

      Reply
  18. Michael Mabry

    More services NewReplyMore reply commands
    DeleteArchiveMove to Categories More commands
    UndoSkypeOptionsMichael M
    [email protected]

    Search Sent

    Show/hide folders
    Folders
    Refresh
    Inbox 106
    Junk 50
    Drafts
    Sent
    Deleted
    Show/hide folders saved emails – important 6
    photos
    New folder
    Show/hide categories
    Categories
    Bills
    Family
    Important
    Shopping
    Travel
    New category
    Previous messageNext messageBack to messages
    RE: the 4 reasons you wont settle for a RM article u wrote‏

    RE: the 4 reasons you wont settle for a RM article u wrote
    Actions
    Michael M 12:55 PM
    To: [email protected]

    Hello Lindsay;

    As I read your article on why u wont settle for a RM …. I was struck by several thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

    I joined the church because of the missionaries ! I was literally saved by them as I was at a point in my life as to think life wasn’t worth living!
    I was 19 yrs old and has just lost my high school sweetheart, was at the lowest time in my life…. My next door neighbor was the 70’s presdient in my stake and I went to him to advise me on why I needed to stay in this world…
    Within 1 hr he had 6 missionaries at his home to teach me ( over kill maybe lol ).

    There was one of the missionaries that connected with my spirit .. the others didnt affect me at all.
    If it were not for THAT ONE MISSIONARY I would not have continued to take the lessons !

    What if he had stayed home and decided to let excuses stop him from serving ??????????

    I went on a mission as soon as my 1 yr aniversity came about.

    I lived my whole life up til then with a mother that sexually abused me from age 3 – 18, and a father that would
    beat me with a belt daily from 4 yrs old to 15 yrs old.

    I had no church raising or influenance until age 19…

    At 19 I was searching for something to keep me in this horrible world of pain.. and because of missionaries that cared enough to serve
    the world without PAY or praise .. giving up two yrs of their life TO FIND PEOPLE LIKE ME ! … I would have given up.

    While serving on my Mission in Madrid, Spain we came upon a family of 4 that were at the end of their rope too! the man was a Catholic preacher in a city called Alcala de Henares ( 30 min so of Madrid ) … HE had become olffended by one of the priests and left the church and since in Spain in the 70’s there was only one dominate faith … he stopped going to church and took his sweet family withhim
    in his unbelief.

    We taught them for 3 weeks and were finally starting to get through to them and when the man got on his knees
    for the 1st time in his life to pray for guidance he started to change…
    We went back the next day and they had moved out of their apt to avoid us !
    We were heart broken because we knew they had felt the spirit.

    For 3 weeks we had not heard from then then one night at 9pm one of the primary kids in the branch knocked on our door
    and said that our atheist family was at the chapel looking for us !
    Gave us their address and when we arrived at their new place … we immediately felt Satan there…

    We raised our hands to the square and commanded Satan to depart, and instantly felt the Lord come to comfort them.
    We spend the next 6 hrs teaching them all the discussions and then went to the store and bought them a weeks groceries since they hadn’t eatten for 3 days…

    That next Sunday they came to church with us and EVERYBODY at the branch welcomed them and hugged them and they felt
    the spirit of the Lord tell their hearts that they were now home!

    they were baptized on the following Sunday which was March 25th 1979…
    On the day before March 24th at 11:30pm I knelt down to thank God for sending me to see this miracle and asked Heavenly Father to make me HUMBLE before I saw that baptism … and I heard an audible voice in my head say ” Michael Are you SURE thats what you really want ” ? and I responded ” YES, will go through anything you want … even unto DEATH ”

    All of a sudden I felt a horiffic pain on top of my head – left side – rear … and a ball of blood vessels broke a few inches deep in my brain and I was instantly paralyzed on my entire right side of my body and put into a 17 day coma.

    President Kimball sent the 12 to the temple to pray for me to live and the church send my non-member parents to Spain to say good bye.

    When I woke up in the hospital the members that loved me were their and they took care of me since the nurses in Spain didn’t

    I was told I had a brain operation to save my life but the damaged blood vessels where still in my brain so I would need another surgery
    the church sent me to Phoenix Ariz for another sugery to remove the damaged vessels.

    For 4 mns I fought daily to get my body back to go back into the mission to finish it

    When I started to walk again, President Kimball sent me to the Anaheim Mission to serve as a missionary again to prove to him that I
    could physically do the work again and we baptised and reactivated a lot of people.
    the prophet then sent me to Texas for another year to finish the work I was sent to do.

    My favorite baptism was of a 75 yr old Black Methodist minister that had taught that faith for 45 years !!
    He was in charge of 50,000 members of that faith and was a VERY HUMBLE MAN that showed me how to be humble too.

    When he was 6 yrs old, his Mama was dying, and she called him to her death bed and said ” Now Moodie, I know u r only 6 but mama needs to to understand something “, she said ” I am going to heaven now, and want you to be in heaven with me when you leave this earth ” said I want you to promise me you will become a minister and that way will be worthy to live with Mama in heaven ”

    At six years old … he made that promise and now 69 years latter …… was getting baptised a member of the LDS faith!

    At his baptism, the Lord let a miracle occur … While he was standing in the font the spirit came really hard an d when he went under the water and ca me back out … he looked up to a corner or the room and his eyes opened very wide and I could tell he was seeing something…. but when i looked I didn t see anythin g… he burst into tears right in the font and said ” Mama !! Mama !!, I found the true church … I m coming hom e to ya Mama “, a nd then the vision closed.

    When my mission was finally over, I had been out almost three years …. my mission president held both my hands and said
    ” Elder Mabry, I am so proud of you for finishing your mission when most people would have cursed God for making them paralyed and left the church ! … Said ” I want you to know as your Mission President, that of all the lives you touched in Spain, CA and here in Texas …
    that you were SENT TO TEXAS TO FIND THAT ONE MAN !
    said ” You will be blessed for the rest of your life for it ”

    My dear Lindsay …. I have stayed active over all these years BECAUSE OF WHAT I LEARNED AS A MISSIONARY …PLEASE dear lady..encourage people to serve a mission and not tell them its ok to stay home… don’t give them the EXCUSE that they can forget a mission because of experiences in their life, like being too old now to serve, or go in the military instead etc.

    I believe that we made promises in the pre existance to find each other and teach the gospel.
    Those people that make excuses NOT to serve will realize in heaven that they could have helped lives change if they had been honorable an d served the Lord on a mission.

    Que Dios Siempre Sea Su Mejor Amigo,

    Michael

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Thank you so much for sharing your experiences from your mission. It’s true; missions are a life-changing experience and they can save not only people’s lives but their very souls. I admire the dedication and determination you had while serving a mission.

      I hope you did not take my article as encouraging people to not serve missions. I wrote it with the hopes of dispelling the non-RM prejudice that sometimes happens. Sometimes people have very worthy reasons for not serving missions and you shouldn’t marry, or not marry, someone just because of the “RM” title. For example, President Monson is not an RM. He did not serve due to military reasons. However, I really admire President Monson because he has a strong testimony and knows what it means to be a priesthood holder of God.

      Thanks again,
      Lindsey

      Reply
  19. Reuben

    President Monson did not serve a mission. There are many that have not. I’m pretty sure Nephi didn’t. Don’t all the girls want a Nephi?!
    Anyway, thanks for your comments. I am sure there are a lot of guys that are grateful. I’ve know some amazing people looked past because they didn’t serve missions and they really had a difficult time finding someone to love them (maybe it was a good thing that the judgemental people passed them by because they ended up with beautiful spouses).
    Keep up your writing:)

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Thank you, Reuben! I think you’re right; all girls want a Nephi! Although he may be considered an RM because he spent eight years in the wilderness. 🙂 Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  20. Linda

    My husband joined the Church his freshman year in college. His Jr. year his bishop set him apart for a calling, and made reference to a mission. We had been seriously discussing marriage. He asked his bishop about this, and he said he felt like it was a mission in the future with his wife. We have been married nearly 44 yrs, raised 6 great children, serve in the temple, and are in the 3rd year of a church service mission. He has remained totally converted and faithful all these years. The key is getting spiritual confirmation about whom you choose to marry.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Linda,

      Thank you for sharing your story! One thing that’s amazing about blessings from God is that they don’t have an expiration date. Your husband’s mission may have been to marry you. It may have been to raise six children. It may be to serve the church-service mission you are currently serving. Thank you for your service to the church. 🙂

      Lindsey

      Reply
  21. Michael

    No. 3 is the most important (in my opinion). Don’t take an RM at face value. Just having served a mission doesn’t necessarily make them better than someone who hasn’t. Still, there ARE qualities and attributes that people gain on a mission that most people don’t otherwise gain (at least not in such a short time), so if a person is seeking a spouse with those qualities I think it’s perfectly fine for them to narrow their search to RMs. Being selective about your eternal companion doesn’t mean you think those who don’t qualify aren’t worthy members of the church. It just means you’ve decided what you want. But as I said before, if you’re looking for an RM, dig deeper than the label to learn how their mission has affected them.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Thanks for your thoughts, Michael! I love how you said to learn how the mission affected them. I do think that many good qualities can be gained on a mission. It’s important that these qualities are gained and then maintained by choice.

      Lindsey

      Reply
  22. Afran-Okese Kojo

    I realy dont think so too, because it is not necessary marrying a RM. I always advive my daughters not to marry a man who will join the church because they wanted to marry them, but my first daughter married a guy who came to the church because he wanted to marry her. I did not like the idea but later agreed and lo the guy is now a branch president in one of the stakes in Ghana. I didn,t like to marry just a member, it was my dream to marry a RM when i returned from mission. All the sisters RM i proposed to did not like to marry me, so i tried i could get a nice, humble member to marry,that one also became very difficult, so i tried for a nonmember and she has been the mother of my six beautiful children. We love ourselve so much and we are sealed as a family in the Ghana Accra Temple. It does not matter who you marry,it depends on who you love or where your love one comes from, though church leaders advice marrying in the church.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      What a beautiful story, Afran-Okese. I think it’s amazing that you now have a beautiful eternal family and I am sure God guided you to the point of your life that you are at right now.

      Lindsey

      Reply
  23. Nietta

    Amen. I can’t serve a mission because of medical reasons, and would hate that people would judge me for that. And it’s true, really honestly true, that Missionaries are not perfect, and sometimes–gasp–not even particularly great people. I dated a boy for 6 years– 16-22. he went on his mission. I waited. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. And then 6 months later out of the blue he sent me a break up email and never spoke to me again. So, for real. Don’t judge based on RM or no, because you aren’t marrying the idea of it or the missionary, you’re marrying the person, and it’s the person, not their missionary experience, that matters.

    Reply
    • Lindsey

      Nietta,

      I love what you said at the end, “It’s the person, not the missionary experience, that matters.” You’re so right. Thanks for your comment!

      Lindsey

      Reply
  24. Paola

    This was such a good reading. I definitely agree that we must open our hearts an minds to look someone worthy. A mission does not finish someone journey to eternal life or give them a special ticket. An RM is just a title that does not define you as a person. What define a person is the way we act and if we stay faithful to the Gospel. I wish all members of the church recognIZed that the gospel and the church is about people tying not titles

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.